I Kissed a Zombie and I Liked It, by Kelly Jameson

I Kissed a Zombie and I Liked It: A Zombie Short

by Classics author, and guest blogger, Kelly Jameson

What’s not to love? He’s relentless in his pursuit of me. Sure, he can’t bang out a Tchaikovsky symphony on the piano, haul down a steady living, or even microwave a bowl of Hormel chili, but his love, our love, transcends the grave.

He’ll never say to me, “Get me a beer, you stupid betch.” Ok, maybe he will, but I won’t understand him because it will sound like, “eturggeeretch.”

He won’t complain when I don’t make the bed. He won’t pester me to have ‘lover talks’ or go to counseling because we’re not communicating. He taught me something. You aren’t truly free to live until you’re not afraid to die. He is dark and beautiful and a little stinky, but aren’t we all?

He doesn’t care that I’m not a supermodel with fake barn-silo tits, practically no body fat, and lips like truck tires. He’ll never leave me. Unless I forget to close a door or window.

I’ve learned how to cook a variety of dishes for him using cow brains. He eats them, doesn’t complain, washes them down with Miller Lite, which pours from the holes in his rotting neck and thorax. He’s a slob. But he’s my slob.

He’s not subtle, coordinated, or mysterious. As long as he has a bowl of brains in front of him, he’ll watch hours of X Factor with me, or even Dancing with the Tards. Yeah, I kissed a zombie and I liked it.

He buries his face in my hair. He loves me for my brain. How lucky can a girl get?

Kelly Jameson is the author of Dead On, which is available at Classics, 117 South Warren, downtown Trenton, book_cellar@mindspring.com.  You can learn more about Kelly’s work at http://kellyjameson.blogspot.com/

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