I Kissed a Zombie and I Liked It, by Kelly Jameson

I Kissed a Zombie and I Liked It: A Zombie Short

by Classics author, and guest blogger, Kelly Jameson

What’s not to love? He’s relentless in his pursuit of me. Sure, he can’t bang out a Tchaikovsky symphony on the piano, haul down a steady living, or even microwave a bowl of Hormel chili, but his love, our love, transcends the grave.

He’ll never say to me, “Get me a beer, you stupid betch.” Ok, maybe he will, but I won’t understand him because it will sound like, “eturggeeretch.”

He won’t complain when I don’t make the bed. He won’t pester me to have ‘lover talks’ or go to counseling because we’re not communicating. He taught me something. You aren’t truly free to live until you’re not afraid to die. He is dark and beautiful and a little stinky, but aren’t we all?

He doesn’t care that I’m not a supermodel with fake barn-silo tits, practically no body fat, and lips like truck tires. He’ll never leave me. Unless I forget to close a door or window.

I’ve learned how to cook a variety of dishes for him using cow brains. He eats them, doesn’t complain, washes them down with Miller Lite, which pours from the holes in his rotting neck and thorax. He’s a slob. But he’s my slob.

He’s not subtle, coordinated, or mysterious. As long as he has a bowl of brains in front of him, he’ll watch hours of X Factor with me, or even Dancing with the Tards. Yeah, I kissed a zombie and I liked it.

He buries his face in my hair. He loves me for my brain. How lucky can a girl get?

Kelly Jameson is the author of Dead On, which is available at Classics, 117 South Warren, downtown Trenton, book_cellar@mindspring.com.  You can learn more about Kelly’s work at http://kellyjameson.blogspot.com/

Tips on Writing Children’s Books: Tika Bernadette

Tips on Writing Children’s Books

by Classics author, and guest blogger, Tika Bernadette 

Writing children’s fiction is a lot of fun, but it’s no easy task, in my opinion.  As with any well-written literature, there are rules and standards that industry movers expect when reviewing literary work for children.  If you wish to attract positive attention from editors, agents, publishers, educators and your target readers, there are some things you must take into serious consideration when creating your literary art for children.  Here, I will share some pointers that I’ve learned along the way to conceptualizing, writing and publishing two books for children, with a third book set for release this year. 

One simple rule for writing picture books is – Keep it simple. Let the pictures tell the story. Picture books are generally for babies and toddlers, with illustrations in place of text. Text, if any, is secondary to the illustrations and is no more than one word per picture, or two to three words per sentence, on average.  The text, if any, is often choppy.  And, the entire book is usually between 24 and 32 total pages.  

Learn the categories of children’s books so you can be sure that you are writing for your target audience.  As you have read above, many picture books are for babies and toddlers. There are also books for early readers. Readers in this group typically range from age four to age eight and are just learning to read and write.  They are still thrilled with pictures, but are also fascinated with written words.  Books for early readers have more printed words per page with fuller sentences, even when accompanied by illustrations.  The storylines, while still simple, are more fluid and imaginative. At this point, a few challenging words have been incorporated into the text.  Early readers are not as intimidated as you may think and desire to increase their vocabulary.  Structurally, books for early readers are usually between 45-60 total pages and no more than 1,500 words. Then there are your intermediate readers. Readers in this group range from age eight through age ten.  They are proud chapter books readers at this point.  Chapter books usually contain 48 to 80 pages and between 1,500 to 10,000 words.  These books tend to be thicker and have more sophisticated plots and themes.  Another category in children’s book literature is the middle school reader.  These readers are independent thinkers and are discovering themselves and beginning to pursue their own interests.  They usually select books based on their own personal taste.  Books for the middle school reader are usually 80 to 192 pages, with 20,000 to 45,000 words.

After middle school readers, we then go into young adult readers.  We won’t speak about them today. Today, we are discussing literature for young children.

Study your target audience.  Observe children’s habits, their movements, their language, their emotions, their follies, their antics.  Tune in to their interests.  Channel their energy and excitement through your work.  Take your mind back to when you were that young.  When you do so, you will find that you write on their level, but not down to them. They are intelligent creatures and learn quickly. They pick up on condescension and do not appreciate being talked down to. 

Read your story out loud.  Read to an audience of children before you send your work to an editor, agent or publisher. Get lots of feedback from parents, teachers and your target audience.  Is your audience fully engaged? Ask for audience participation.  You not only want to read your story aloud, you also want it to be interactive.  You want your readers to be so enthralled that they desire to become part of the story themselves.  Therefore, at some point during your reading, stop and ask your audience questions about what you’ve read so far.  Bring them into the story.

Keep writing!

Recommended reading:

  • Writing Children’s Books by Lesley Bolton and Lea Wait
  • Writing Picture Books by Ann Whitford Paul
  • How To Write And Illustrate Children’s Books (And Get Them Published) by Treld Pelkey Bicknell and Felicity Trotman

Tika Bernadette is the author of Baby Love and Zuri and Friends Conquer the Mountain.   You can buy her books on Amazon by clicking here.

9/11 & My Family: Andrew Lubin

9/11 & My Family

by Classics author, and guest blogger, Andrew Lubin

Like everyone else in the New York, New Jersey area, I remember the startling clarity of the day. Picture-perfect blue skies when I left for work, but heartbreaking later that morning as we watched the two towers collapse and the thick black smoke, billowing straight up and soiling the sky.

I also remember my son storming into my plant a few hours later. It was the 2nd week of his freshman year in college, and when the towers fell, marketing and accounting became the furthest thing from his mind. “We’ve got to get even,” he raged, and in a comment that later gained popularity with a certain group of highly-motivated young men, said “we need to ‘get some’.”

Then one October evening he casually mentioned to me he’d enlisted in the Marine Corps, and what did I think?

College was not a challenge, he said, and he needed something that enabled him to stand out from the crowd. He volunteered that the 9/11 attacks made him think that college and a business career was no longer the be-all and end-all that’s so prevalent in the greater NY-NJ area; 17 people from our county were killed that day, and their hard-earned professions and degrees seemed suddenly unimportant and impotent to him. And how could people not volunteer for the military? Isn’t this our version of Pearl Harbor? He’d been doing some hard thinking since 9/11, he told me, and the more he thought about it, how could he not join the Marine Corps?

In July 2002 he graduated boot camp and joined the fleet as an artilleryman, and was sent to 1st Bn, 10th Marines in Camp Lejeune…and only 6 weeks later was called to war New Years Day 2003 and 12 days later sailed off to Iraq with Task Force Tarawa.

March 23, 20003, 0335 EST…I’ve got three televisions on in my house watching the Marines fighting at An-Nasiriyah, and the news is grim. Initial casualty reports are of 50-70 Marine dead, scores wounded, something about an ambushed Army convoy…and suddenly Kerry Sanders-MSNBC is screaming about an intense Marine artillery barrage holding off the Iraqi’s…it’s the artillerymen of 1st Bn, 10th Marines and Sanders is difficult to hear he’s so close to the Marine howitzers…Dear God, I’m watching my son’s unit fight…

18 Marines killed that day, and I wrote about the battle. Charlie Battery; A Marine Artillery Battery in Iraq won some awards and I wrote some articles and did some TV spots. Then as my son returned to Iraq and the Sunni Triangle in 2004-2005, the Marines took notice of my work,  and in 2006 I ended up in Beirut in the 24th MEU covering the emergency evacuation of 12,000 American citizens as the Israeli-Hezbollah war broke out.

He was stationed in Okinawa; I visited him. I went to Ramadi and covered the rising Sons of Anbar and interviewed Sheikh Sattar; he went to the Philippines and trained Philippine artillerymen. I went to Afghanistan in 2008; he ran the artillery segment of the multinational Operation Cobra Gold in Thailand. And last year we were in Afghanistan at the same time, so I went to his base and spent a few days with him.

My goal is very simple in writing and recording the stories of our young men in combat: I need to do as good a job in recording history as they do in making it. I’m always asked when I’m embedded “Hey Sir, do people at home know we’re still here?” And my answer is always the same “Yes they do, Devil Dog; it’s my job to make them care.”

And what did I think when he told me he’d joined the Marine Corps…I reached across the table; grabbed his hand, and said “I’m proud of you; do your best. Semper Fi.”

Andrew Lubin is the author of Charlie Battery; A Marine Artillery Battery in Iraq, which is available at book_cellar@mindspring.com or Classics, 117 South Warren, downtown Trenton.  You can learn more about Andrew’s work at his website:  http://www.andrewlubin.com/index.html.

Rites of Passage for Breast Cancer Victors






An Iyeska (spiritual interpreter), Raining Deer has a unique perspective on healing through rites of passage.  Here she recalls life-altering occurrences that prepared her for this time:

“The good ole’ days were back in the early 1990s when I first met and eventually married a Seminole Shaman who was placed in my path for a number of reasons — (1)  as a “carrier of the Medicine” (a Native American expression), it was time for certain ceremonies to be performed for me and they had to be performed by a holy person; (2) the Old Ones (Ancestors) wanted me to learn to trust myself by trusting them.  They showed me time and time again that I could.  The rituals that I participated in with my husband, African Priests and later performed myself, coupled with the faith instilled in me as a childhood AME churchgoer and later a student of al-Islam and other world religions, prepared me for what was to come in 2003 — when breast cancer reared its ugly head.”